Urm..The Story Of a GirL

This is the story of a girl...liked that song lots:) Anyways, This is the story of girl i met on coming to ppktj. I really do hope she won't be reading this(hazukashii) but i don't think i'm going to talk anything bad about her.
Truthfully, I think of her of her as a nice and friendly person up to this day, and my relationship with her can be compared to that of one of my friend's experience.While my friend called herself bitchy for using that guy, I really can't help but to feel that i was used too. However, I did accept the fact of what was happening and got myself into such a mess.Do I regret it now?I'm not so sure..Sad as it is now..Happy it was then..Guess u win some lose some..The karma law..
When does a relationship become strained?That i wonder. Relationship in this context doesn't mean bf/gf thingy but more as a general case between to persons.See, I have always been the type to want to talk alot but sometimes i felt that i was forcing it as well. Nothing of me comes in moderation, even up to this day, i can barely talk normally with her. Just the regular smile and the occassional smile. What started off as talking for a substantial bit for a few months is now dwindling to almost nothing. Maybe that's what i'm most depressed at. Even though my feelings for her were not what they used to be,still i hoped we could always remain close companions. Then again the word 'close' is always up for debate. It might be for her,not for me, i don't know. Maybe for her, replying msges are not so important but i usually take extra effort to reply no matter to who.
However, as much as i think this is her doing,so is it mine. Hers was the fact that things are going on better in her life now than it was then.Ignorance is bliss ain't it? It was mine for hoping too much, for being such a shy person(applies for certain cases). Maybe it was just never meant to be. Usually how a relationship takes off will affect the way i communicate with them in the future. The fact that we hardly talked in reality was a setback. Back to hope,Raistlin(Dragonlance series book) used to say 'Hope is the denial of reality' and i believe his words are very true but not to have hope is living a miserable life.. just like him.. As great as i liked him, i definitely do not want to end up like him,demented,cruel but awesomely cool.
Seems that i'm digressing from the main point, the story of this girl. Having different set of friends also seemed like a major obstacle. It's hard when i'm with her group of friends, i just get tongue tied. Even though it seems that she's getting closer to my group of friends and i to some of hers,still nothing has changed. Sometimes, we're almost like strangers but maybe i'm just being biased for hoping too much again.
I might as well take the opportunity to discuss on being a chinese educated and a banana like me. There is that communicative barrier.. she i feel prefering to speak in mandrin while i definitely speak English. But the sets of cultures each education system is brought up affects our mind sets and that really is another stumbling block. Her being the more conservative , diligent type while i shy as i am,open i am too and pure laziness.:P Doesnt seem to bear any consequences on a relationship between two people but somehow it does. It's something that i am yet able to explain.I once wrote her something and i doubt that she understood much of what i said.For once, i felt that tense in writing was important, in this case being the future tense, of things i hoped to become, not what that was.
Anyways, this is just my opinion of things as i never did get her view. One thing i did like about her was that she was quite open in telling things, making it easier to understand and not always guess. Doesn't seem to be that way now. Acquantainces we are now.. something i have always dreaded so. If you do read this, i hope no offence is taken in anyway. I'll still be here as always. Maybe one day things will change but distant is seems so that i can't see it anytime soon. I thought that her leaving soon might do me good.. it's like phasing out another part of my life but that's just quite cowardly...
That's it for now anyways.No one is to be blamed for anything.. life is just life.

Friends..past present n what to be

wat actually happened to me for the past few days?was actually quite euphoric...didnt feel like i was in reality.. maybe that's cos ppktj is reality and that really just sucks eh?hrMm.. i actually stayed at ben's place after my road trip..his parents are actually very pleasant n it's cool to see how business like people run their lives.It also gave me my 1st experience on an S-class...bloody hell..one experience i wont forget... ben is still the same person i havent seen since june or so.. the mugger n tuition type...but that's because he's studying in sing n i can't blame him. enjoyed his company for the last couple of days n sad to say that i hafta wake up from my dream n go back to reality tomorrow..sighs..

anyways,yesterday i went out for dinner with my old friends, angie, jane n alai.. was actually wonderin how they were as i havent seen jane n alai for quite a while. Seemed kinda awkward.. thought they might have changed.. However,it was a pleasant surprise that they were all still the same. Jane speaking at the top of her voice..heng huas.. that's the word! was actually pleasant to hear that word... seemed to foreign already considered it was one of the most frequently used word last yr..with the exception of cheap joke..btw,i heard the lodge phrase 'cheap joke' has infected russia because of joyoki, thts the way man! anyways,we went to eat fish head in taipan n it wasnt all too bad..good meal!hehe..dunno when i'll be seein them again though.. sunway n subang is just too far!

today..was boring..till evening to say the least..met some more asean people..choii syn,alex n pei xin(ex). was fun!went to mid valley..n watched shark tale..talked bout old times n seems no one has changed much.. apparently they have an altar of me in sing ..of all my unwanted rubbish which includes a pillow, my star hub bottle,etc..

oh yea,over this past few days.. i was actually a part time baby sitter.. of two 4 yr old twins.. an interestin pair! one had chicken pox.. but both were joyful n happy..neither seemed sick at all.. it's actually quite hard takin care of them unless they;re sleepin. or not they'll be like climbing all over u! i never had a younger sibling so i wouldnt know tht much.It was fun to say the least... they still seem to be innocent of the real word n it was cool to see tht. btw,one of them actually spoke better eng than msot ppl at ppktj..serrious..

all in all..over this last few days did teach me something.... nothin has changed, every1 has moved on though maybe except me... i dunno,maybe i'm just scared of losing friends...drifting apart all together.. real sad case.. it'll happen one day though but i hope i dont want to see that day.. i dont think i can bear it at all.. somehow, i must move on to get over this misery and emptiness of mine but i cant seem to bear myself to do it!how? i've yet to find an answer...sighs...

friends....just how important are they to me?

no.1

wo hoo my 1st blog... really no more life already. Not sure how well mine is going to be but actually i'm startin this as a challenge to my friend not to write a boring one.

hrmm... what the bloody hell am i supposed to write anyway? Life is full of shit or life is wonderful that you're going to puke.It's almost always about these 2 scenarios anyway.

Let's start with the life is wonderful setting. Last wed, a group of friends from ppktj n i went to ipoh-kedah-penang-kedah. Road trip but missing all d girls!okla,must give credit to ipoh n penang. Living up to their reputation as a land of hot chicks but really, the food was even better!!!! day after day,gobbling down food is an unhealthy lifestyle but in such places with good food, no wonder asians are getting obese!in ipoh,there was the hor fun but the tauge chicken must be singled out for praise.. really really good and the pork balls that came with it which was so sumptous!ok...should stop talkin about food as i'm getting hungrier but you get the point.:)

girls..food..oh..all of us did meet the most 'beautiful' woman in ipoh tho..ppktj students should know who.. the 1 and only low sensei!haha..she's actually nicer outside school. Feel that she's just fierce and bitchy in school as a counterbalance to the other teachers. A must need ingredient to a good school. anyways, she treated us to summore good food..cakes n movenpick ice cream! my first experience!damn good to saythe least and i must thank herfor the wonderful dessert.

hrm..besides those two things, the architecture is sth of interest. Temples built in caves, penang hill n it's interestin cable train, penang bridge! n of coz bukit hijau...actually includeslandscape as well:D This was the 1st time i saw the magnificient bridge or so tht i can remember.. Really a sight. n the waterfalls in bukit hijau were awesome even if a little dangerous.

ohh...thts bout it i would actually like to say bout the trip .. the buses!haha.. malaysian coaches.. late..crazy... n definitely dangerous! fucking freaking dangerous.. ride at your own discresion. For pics, http://share.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=EeCOGjlu4ctWHC