Urm..The Story Of a GirL

This is the story of a girl...liked that song lots:) Anyways, This is the story of girl i met on coming to ppktj. I really do hope she won't be reading this(hazukashii) but i don't think i'm going to talk anything bad about her.
Truthfully, I think of her of her as a nice and friendly person up to this day, and my relationship with her can be compared to that of one of my friend's experience.While my friend called herself bitchy for using that guy, I really can't help but to feel that i was used too. However, I did accept the fact of what was happening and got myself into such a mess.Do I regret it now?I'm not so sure..Sad as it is now..Happy it was then..Guess u win some lose some..The karma law..
When does a relationship become strained?That i wonder. Relationship in this context doesn't mean bf/gf thingy but more as a general case between to persons.See, I have always been the type to want to talk alot but sometimes i felt that i was forcing it as well. Nothing of me comes in moderation, even up to this day, i can barely talk normally with her. Just the regular smile and the occassional smile. What started off as talking for a substantial bit for a few months is now dwindling to almost nothing. Maybe that's what i'm most depressed at. Even though my feelings for her were not what they used to be,still i hoped we could always remain close companions. Then again the word 'close' is always up for debate. It might be for her,not for me, i don't know. Maybe for her, replying msges are not so important but i usually take extra effort to reply no matter to who.
However, as much as i think this is her doing,so is it mine. Hers was the fact that things are going on better in her life now than it was then.Ignorance is bliss ain't it? It was mine for hoping too much, for being such a shy person(applies for certain cases). Maybe it was just never meant to be. Usually how a relationship takes off will affect the way i communicate with them in the future. The fact that we hardly talked in reality was a setback. Back to hope,Raistlin(Dragonlance series book) used to say 'Hope is the denial of reality' and i believe his words are very true but not to have hope is living a miserable life.. just like him.. As great as i liked him, i definitely do not want to end up like him,demented,cruel but awesomely cool.
Seems that i'm digressing from the main point, the story of this girl. Having different set of friends also seemed like a major obstacle. It's hard when i'm with her group of friends, i just get tongue tied. Even though it seems that she's getting closer to my group of friends and i to some of hers,still nothing has changed. Sometimes, we're almost like strangers but maybe i'm just being biased for hoping too much again.
I might as well take the opportunity to discuss on being a chinese educated and a banana like me. There is that communicative barrier.. she i feel prefering to speak in mandrin while i definitely speak English. But the sets of cultures each education system is brought up affects our mind sets and that really is another stumbling block. Her being the more conservative , diligent type while i shy as i am,open i am too and pure laziness.:P Doesnt seem to bear any consequences on a relationship between two people but somehow it does. It's something that i am yet able to explain.I once wrote her something and i doubt that she understood much of what i said.For once, i felt that tense in writing was important, in this case being the future tense, of things i hoped to become, not what that was.
Anyways, this is just my opinion of things as i never did get her view. One thing i did like about her was that she was quite open in telling things, making it easier to understand and not always guess. Doesn't seem to be that way now. Acquantainces we are now.. something i have always dreaded so. If you do read this, i hope no offence is taken in anyway. I'll still be here as always. Maybe one day things will change but distant is seems so that i can't see it anytime soon. I thought that her leaving soon might do me good.. it's like phasing out another part of my life but that's just quite cowardly...
That's it for now anyways.No one is to be blamed for anything.. life is just life.